By John E. Carey
Updated May 22, 2007
A friend told me recently that his wife made him beg for sex.
Actually on the knees begging.
Now, it is hard for me to think of the appropriate response for this particular confession. This is not the kind of thing one American man tells another.
So I realized only one thing for certain: either this guy has lost his mind or he really values me as a friend to tell me such a thing.
And as a good friend I decided not to comment on his predicament.
I am generally an optimist. I believe most any problem can be resolved. When I hear that a woman says to a man, “The magic is gone,” I always hear the upside. It means “there was once magic!”
My friend said that he had made a mess out of his entire marriage situation by blurting out during an argument that, “You are driving me into the arms of prostitutes again!”
Immediately my brain said: “Bail out. NO UPSIDE.”
And I have two wonderful and very wise other friends that remind me frequently not to accept a problem passed downfield from another member of the human race unless I need to, I have the time to solve it and I can score a touchdown.
Back to “You are driving me into the arms of prostitutes again!” Writers sometimes study every word another chooses in expressing a thought. This sentence is loaded with meaning.
I do offer a few opinions on this sentence. I start by telling my Guy Friend that I can give him the phone number of a really good divorce lawyer. And I ask him if he had ever heard about being unable to “un-ring a bell….”
“You are driving me” means it is all her fault of course. Unless she actually drops him off for his misadventures, I think. I conclude that a woman who wants her own husband to beg for sex isn’t driving him out to spend hard earned community property for the commodity.
I know calling sex a commodity makes me the enemy of all ladies so please do not bombard me with email.
You knew I was an evil male chauvinist pig when you read “The Wife” in the headline. As if she were an object.
Well my friend’s wife once was a sex object. Now I am thinking she has complicated the situation somewhat…..
And, I have concluded, after hearing, “You are driving me into the arms of prostitutes again!” for the first time in this conversation (or any conversation for that matter) that it is high time to admit that my friend is crazy or a moron. Or perhaps the worst form of human on earth: a Crazy Moron.
Then there is that word “again” which sorta indicates he has been up to no good before.
Then he tells me that he gets back at his wife.
“And how us that?” the sage writer says.
He says his wife likes to go out on Friday nights drinking with her girlfriends. This usually concludes with coming home drunk and going to bed.
He told me this is when he “steals sex” from her.
I was unfamiliar with the concept of “stealing sex” so I kept quiet.
I figure this guy will be begging or paying for his pleasures for a long time to come. But that woman called “wife” will be out of the picture and holding his cash. Most of it anyway.
And I need to get some new friends with smaller “issues.”